It was nothing exceptional or out of the ordinary. Just a sweet message from a dear friend that echoed the aches of my soul. And suddenly they were there - the tears that I've been forcefully holding at bay all week long. With Little Bear and Emily chatting in the background will Miss Magnificent squealed and hooted, completely oblivious to my throbbing spirit, I just let the tears flow right into the ugly cry.
Some days the loneliness, the maintenance of strength, the acceptance of a life that I never imagined for myself, the ransom of my husband for the sake of ministry - it all feels unbearable.
But then, many times on those same days, the excitement of walking closer with Jesus, the determination to move forward, the fostering of sweet new friendships, the evolution of my husband into the man God created him to be - it all feels right.
And I eagerly grasped another corner of the truth found in weeping forward - the coexistence of joy and ache within me - the sometimes very rightness of unbearability in my life. And unexpectedly - a smile broke through the hard lines of the ugly cry - creating an admittedly akward but deeply honest depiction of this crazy woman.
The coexistence of joy and ache are what keeps us attached to Him who has planted us in this time and place for His work and purpose. I have also felt that I was a bit crazy feeling those 2 things at the same time. So glad I am not alone. Thank you for sharing so honestly!!
ReplyDeleteWe just finished the same study on Ruth. And when I closed the workbook after I filled in my answers to the last few questions, I could only stare at the pages of Ruth in my Bible. Then, out of no where came this overwhelming urge to sob....so, I did and then I asked the Lord to tell Ruth how her life-changing story is still impacting women...women like me and like you...thousands upon thousands of years later. God is simply amazing.
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