A Bone when I Need One

Y'all. On this uncharacteristically dreary Florida Spring day - this happened. For 30 straight minutes my girls voluntarily played downstairs by themselves while I enjoyed salad, and French Bread, and Pottery Barn eye candy.

I wondered what it would be like to "shop" for the kids' bedding for a "summer home". Then I remembered it's rude/sinful to judge people who do and also, pastors don't generally have summer homes so it's a bridge I'll likely never have to cross. Phew. Because we all know it's easy to judge until you're the one being handed a summer home.

No one touched me or called my name. I think I heard Marilee flush the downstairs potty 83 times, but I let it go for fear that correcting her would draw attention to the fact that no one was touching me or calling my name. I checked later. She didn't flush actual items. She's just fascinated with the flushing "button" as she calls it. 

 

Also, at some point during this day, I laughed hard with the girls over the sheer joy of bubbles.

 

Jesus loves me. This I know, for he throws a girl a bone when she needs one.

 

The end.

 

Lately and that Corn Chowder Recipe

Today we are having a "lazy day". Apparently I label days, and Adelle has come to know their names. Last night she said, "Mommy, when are we going to have a lazy day?" It's been sorta chaotic around here - girlfriend knew we were due one. So far there's been bed playing, book reading, and Alice in Wonderland watching...and a few loads of laundry. There's no such thing as a TOTALLY lazy day for mommies.

We had a fun weekend with all of Josh's team leaders. They came over for gumbo, potato salad, and two really great pies! It was so nice to visit with all of them and just to have people in our home. I am coming to learn that our houses feel more like home when we invite people into them.

We also got some new treats for the living room...it's looking so much more homey in there. Slowly but surely this very large house is becoming our sweet little home. I am grateful.

We even got to visit with Uncle Jonathan and Laura on Sunday night - Adelle is totally crazy about them!

Adelle has informed us that she loves to take care of people - and she really, really does! Here whole being lights up when she is able to serve others with purpose, and I am fascinated by the way God has hardwired us all so specifically.

Marilee is into everything. She is walking like a pro - nay, running when she is headed for something that is off limits. She can say all sorts of little words that only her family can interpret:

Mama, DaDa, Deh [Adelle], Nana, Pah [Pops], she hasn't quite got the "ee" sound in MiMi, but she watches me really closely when I say it, and Daddy Joe gets a pass because it's the same as DaDa for now ;) Bah [bath], Tttt [light], Tah [cat], Day [Thank you]. She is f-u-n-n-y...and that's all there is to it.

Alright, on to the main event...Uncle Richard and Aunt Irene's Corn Chowder. You are welcome.



 

2 small onions, chopped fine

2 green peppers, chopped fine

1/2 stick butter

6 ears corn, cut off the cob [I used a bag of frozen corn and it was just right]

4 fresh tomatoes, chopped

4 Tbsp. flour

1 quart milk

Salt and pper, to taste

Cook onion and bell pepper in butter till limp. Add corn and tomatoes and cook till done; add flour and cook for awhile. Mix with hot milk, to which a pinch of sada has been added to prevent curdling. Season to taste.

 

My mouth is watering again right this very second. Good glory, this was so good! Truly the only thing that could make this better would be the addition of crawfish! Shrimp would be good, too, but crawfish would be divine! This was super easy and a hit with the fam. We ate French Bread with it. Enjoy!

For When You Just Can't

 

I was going through some Instagram pics yesterday and stumbled across this one. My heart stopped. I ached deep and hard, if only for a breath or two. This was taken after we found out Marilee had a heart condition. After we realized I, her mother, had friggin' Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. After she had been moved to isolation. After we were unsure whether or not I would be able to hold her at all for a week.

Do you know how long a week is for a mommy and her baby? It is an eternity.

The moment after we told the nurse what was going on - after we group-diagnosed me - I lay in that baby-less floor of the hospital - the floor where they send all the mommies who don't get to sleep with their babies by their sides, and I slipped into an oblivion. My hands and feet were itching enough to make me want to scream, and my heart was breaking enough to make me want to disappear.

Marilee, this baby who was two years in the making, born only because God said, "Yes," after He said, "No." Twice. Marilee, with the unexpected racing heart and the eye lashes that reach to heaven. Marilee, who lay in a bed in a room full of other crying babies and beeping machines. Marilee, who might not know the touch of her Mama, the comfort of my smell, the calm of my voice for a week or more.

I could do nothing to care for my sick baby. Nothing.

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. Jesus. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. Please, Jesus."

My whole being just lay down on Jesus. I stopped trying to be strong enough. I stared at the wall and absently scratched my blistered hands and feet. Josh asked me some questions. I mumbled responses. My mom came in a little later. She hugged me. I wept hard into her shoulder, letting myself need her entirely. She asked me if I wanted anything and then sat with me for a while.

I have never known brokenness until that moment. I thought I had, but I was mistaken.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26

I know people pray for me. I know that there is power in it. But this was the first time I experienced the power of Jesus and the prayers of the Saints hoist me up and make me strong. In only a moment, there was clarity and direction.

I sat up and asked for a decaf Caramel Macchiato. I hooked my boobies up to the pump, and as the torture device did its work, I set an alarm on my phone for every 2 hours. If this is all I could do, then I would not fail. I would pump until I was bloody and beyond if my milk was all that I could offer my miracle. And I believed that everything would be okay because of Jesus.

As it turns out, God allowed for me to hold my girl sometime that night. I had to put on the scary, plastic suit while other parents looked on curiously every time I entered her room. It was humiliating because I was the diseased one. But I was able to hold her.

There are so many things I want to tell you about those weeks. I'm going to take the next month or so to do that now and again, because this little miracle baby who loves her Mama to the moon and back and is a natural joy multiplier, even though she didn't know my touch for a week, even though she was poked and prodded and put through immeasurable pain, she is turning 1 at the end of August. That is a big deal. I want to remember it all, because my God was heavy present through every blow of our family's journey to bring her home!

I also want to offer encouragement to all of you who may be walking through a thing that is too much.

The most encouraging thing I can think to say is that soon this will all be a memory. -Lauren Kelley

I think of this quote often, and marvel at the fact that somehow, it is. The pain, the exhaustion, the confusion - it really is JUST a memory.

But what I learned about God's heart? It remains tangible and present. It changes the way I live today. He is hope, sustenance, and every good thing. Lean on Him. He is enough.

Once upon a time I was a good mommy...

Once upon a time, I was a good mommy. I played and played and played with little A. We went to the park and the library and the mall and Chick-fil-a until we oozed fun and togetherness. There was no one cooler or more wonderful than me in those blue-green eyes of hers.

Then I had a miscarriage; then I had another one; and then I got pregnant and it "stuck" and we had to make it through those nine months of fun. Then Marilee was in and out of the hospital for three weeks and the hand, foot, and mouth disease and worst stomach virus ever, and the Job-like fiasco of September 2012. Then we had an infant and a new member of the family to adjust to. Then we bought a house and moved into it.

Somewhere between the crazy and the busy, I stopped being a good mommy - at least in little A's magnificent blue-green eyes. It's not that I didn't take good care of her. I did. It's not that I wasn't doing the best I could do given our circumstances. I was. It's not that she ever actually thought in her little pondering brain, "Mommy is dropping the ball like woah!" She didn't. But now that we are beginning to peak out from beneath the layers and layers of too much, I'm getting back into my groove. There is play time, people. There is soccer kicking and frisbee throwing. There is doll house playing and balloon bopping. There is - time.

A tide has turned and she is lighting up around me again. Girlfriend sucks down quality time like a drug. When I build towers or check out the roly polies, I say, "I love you." She is hearing it again loudly from me for the first time in a long time, and I'm full up with happiness because of it.

Today we traipsed back across town to our old Winter Park stomping grounds. Nothing beats the kid's section at the Winter Park Public Library. People, they have gerbils. And blocks. And ancient puzzles. The area is small so I don't have to worry about Miss Magnificent carrying her hiney too far away.





I let Marilee crawl all over the floor and put Legos in her mouth. My how things have changed. Also, when I pulled out her bottle to feed her, I set it on the table to get everything else situated. She arched her back and squealed at the top of her lungs. Two divas - excellent.

Adelle spontaneously grabbed her pants and proclaimed, "I gotta go tee tee!" So we packed everything up just to go to the bathroom. As we entered, we passed a lady on her way out. We smiled politely and then we entered the tiny one seater space and slammed straight into the brick wall of smelliness. Adelle jerked her little head around to look at me with the funniest stinky smell face I've ever seen. She kept saying, "Shoo-wee, Mommy! It smells weally bad!...Oh, Mommy...phew...this is disgusting!" As I balanced Marilee on my hip, helped Adelle wash her hands, and breathed through my mouth - I laughed until I cried.

And, as a freebie, I'll say this: I wore a K-Mart bra today. I'm pretty sure this was it's inagural donning [it's been in my drawer for a lot of years] because the straps, which are removeable, popped off no less than 5 times. As in, I had to hop right over the propriety line and hook those babies back on in the middle of the library, walking down swanky Park Ave, playing soccer in the park with Adelle. There's a reason we don't buy bras at K-Mart. You're welcome.

Speaking of the park, that's where we headed next. We ate lunch. Or, Marilee and I ate lunch while Adelle chattered endlessly and hopped all over the blanket trying to escape the bugs. They were gnats. She was flipping out. In all fairness, there was one stray june bug that, of course, found it's way to her leg. It was over after that. She could not consume another bite for fear that her stillness would bring on another june bug attack. Then the train rolled through and she freaked out again, but only minorly. Even so, she would.not.stop.trying.to.sit.on.me!

The girl is undeniably mine.



We played a round of kick the sort of inflated soccer ball. Adelle ordered me around in a roudy game of "do work while baby sleeps." I cannot make these things up, folks. I took pictures of these little beauties with the fancy camera. I came prepared because it's so pretty there!







 

I swoon.









 

You should know that the following shots were taken by force. I was peeling her off of me far enough to get a shot of her face. She was holding tightly to my shirt, which revealed my wonky K-Mart bra to the world. We were both laughing hysterically.



 

I'm wild about this girl!





We loaded it all up and headed for the fountain so that Adelle could make her penny contribution to the needy [insert eye roll] Winter Park area. Upon arriving at the side of the fountain, as I was digging for change in the bottomless pit of a bag that hung from my sweaty shoulder, the Magnificently terribly timed One grabbed her pants again and yelled loudly, "Ahhh! I gotta go tee tee! I dust went a widdle in my panties!"

You're welcome, elderly gentleman enjoying some peace and quiet on the bench beside us.

We hauled hiney to Barnie's - two birds with one stone, I thought. Mama needed some coffee.

Fail. The one seater was occupied and after our experience at the library, I didn't feel that sad about it.

Four stores down, Williams-Sonoma saved our lives/pants.

We made our way back to the car, skipping right past Barnies. Upon arriving at the car, I peeked around to find this:



Sweet Nugget of tasty chubbiness...wrecked my plans for a lengthy afternoon nap.

My consolation prize?



 

The one by my house has a drive through - glory!

So, if anyone is at the bottom of a lot of layers of too much, I hope this gives you the strength to push through another day of heaviness. Let's all raise our arm in one, unified fist pump and shout, "It will get betterrrr!!"