It takes a great deal of courage to embrace the pain of loneliness, or any other steady pain in our lives, and refuse to let go of the Hope that is promised us. I had to get all, "Yes, I will still believe this is God's best for me. No I will not accuse Him of not caring enough." I had to start throwing 'bows all over my self-pity and tendency to wallow in the depths.
That's the easier portion of the battle that rages inside of me, though - to determinedly choose faith. The hard part is to let it burn, to let the tears fall, and to let the pain be what it is. I have to work hard to resist pulling myself back, putting on a brave face, and saying all of the right things - out loud and in my heart.
God is teaching me to let my mourning do its dance before His throne. He is teaching me that the dance is precious in His sight.
I am amping up for another wonderful week of built in community - trying to prepare my heart, my mind, and my Spirit for the impending wonder of family followed shortly by the glaring absence of the same. The pain will be palpable when I leave. BUT there is so much to be grateful for here! I cannot possibly lose sight of this or I will lose sight of God's tender mercies and faithful provision.
So, just in the last week, here are some biggies:
Sweet, sleeping miracle baby.
The Hendrix and Fiscus fams - who love my babies like they mean it.
And treat us to hidden Louisiana sno-cone bliss.
Tori who fell in love with Josh around the same time I did - while we babysat her sweet little self - and now makes Adelle feel like she's a big deal.
Trenton, who TRIED to teach me how to play catch in his front yard - when he was 6 - who Adelle now looks at with stars in her eyes, and considering his character, I'm not one bit sad about it!
This man who I get to stand alongside and pray with on the beach. Our church - that's cool enough to have Baptisms and Communion on the beach.
Lazy, no make-up afternoons of Chick-fil-a and big girl painting...
...while Mamas wrangle the itty bitties and dissect bits and pieces of life and loving Jesus through it.
And - we get to swim around in community for five straight days! There will be some tears after it's all over - because there's no way to get around the burn, but first there will be unbridled joy!
What about you? How about you make a list of the things that are spectacular in your life? It's amazing how doing so can be a game-changer.
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