What IS Victoria's secret?

Miss Magnificent and I had a playdate at the mall today with some friends.  There is a fun bouncy portion in the middle of the food court that is GREAT for playdates.  After an hour or so of bouncy fun, I informed my fellow Mommy that I needed to PRICE, I repeat PRICE, bras.  Because it's the end of our budget month and my spending money envelope has been empty for over a week.  But the mall is thirty minutes from my house [DON'T get me started on the issues I have with that] and I wasn't sure when I would have another opportunity to browse.  And I was eight shades of needing a new strapless.  I just wanted to know what I could plan on paying once July's budget rolled around.

Let me just say that I cannot remember the last time I set foot in a Victoria's Secret.  The reason for this is three fold:

1. In my experience, their lingerie, although it is beautiful, is made for women with either small or surgically enhanced breasts.  I have neither which means that what looks awesome on the rack looks sort of deflated on my actual body.
2. As soon as I walk in and begin looking at all of the skimpy, perfectly air brushed pictures that adorn the walls, I feel like my size 8, untoned, had a baby 11 months ago body is completely inadequate to satisfy my husband.  This is a lie according to God and my husband and probably Dove.
3. I immediately lose all self control and view the pretty, soft fabrics as things that I "need," therefore allowing me to buy them guilt free...until I am delivered from the brainwashing powers of small pieces of satin and lace and returned to my reality of cotton and unraveled elastic.  Then I feel guilty.

As soon as I walked in I could feel my self control fading.  The semi-annual sale.  Trouble.  All bras - $15.99.  Double trouble.  Loads of frilly, soft, sassy sleep items - $9.99 and up.  Oh dear.  To the nice, younger, pre-child having bodied sales clerk, "When does this sale end?"  [I was at least grasping for some piece of self control.  July isn't that far off, you see.]  "Today," replied her toned body-ness.  Aaaand say goodbye to control of any kind.  I dove into those bins with the other small or surgically enhanced or disillusioned [like myself] women in search of a good ole' nude colored convertible strapless bra.  I was at least practical in my lack of self control.  It was a legitimate need.  I had to pass up many a frilly blue or yellow polka dot or push the girls up to your chin when naked but make you look ridiculous when clothed bra to find my very boring nude convertible strapless.  After trying it on and making sure it was a good choice - not built for small or surgically enhanced breasts, I should have headed straight for the cash register.  I, of course, headed back over to the $9.99 and up sleepwear rack.  There I stumbled across a very soft, very sassy sleep chemise thingy with pictures of treats covered in chocolate all over it.  Three weaknesses in one!  Treats covered in chocolate [whether I can actually eat them or not], sassy sleepwear, AND a sale of some sort [I was convinced that it was $9.99, not and up].  I carried my disillusioned, self control lacking hiney up to the cash register and paid for my $15.99 bra and my, naturally, not $9.99 sleepwear.  And now the boring, but needed, bra is tucked away alongside the other practical, boring items of my lingerie drawer, and the chocolate covered treat chemise is sitting in a pretty Victoria's Secret bag in my bedroom waiting to be returned on Thursday during another playdate, during which I plan to walk straight to the cash register and straight out.  That's the plan. 

Yes it is yes it is yes it is.

What IS Victoria's dern secret?