A Grace Dwellin' Kinda Girl

I MAY or MAY NOT be one of those girls who gets her feelings hurt when someone doesn't want to read her blog.  Or come to her party.  Or her Bible Study.  Or think she's fun.  I MAY or MAY NOT try my darndest to be one of those girls who doesn't care.  Who just lives the pants right off of life because she wants to.  Because it's life, and what else would you do with it?  And why worry about who likes the same stuff as you and who doesn't?

Alas, I fall short every stinkin' time.  In my head, I always tell myself that the opinion of others doesn't matter.  They didn't REALLY fail to come to the hospital when you had your baby because they don't care.  They just got busy.  And you're only there a few days, after all.  In my head, I KNOW this to be true.  In my heart, though, I cannot fight the urge to be sensitive.  To fall to pieces inwardly and throw my hands up at the whole putting yourself out there thing.  Because it's tiring, you know, to put yourself out there.  All the time.  And never be quite sure that it's reciprocated.  Exhausting, actually.

And then I feel all frustrated and icky because clearly I'm self-consumed.  And will I ever grow out of this poor, pitiful me-ness?  And for the love, will I ever be of any use whatsoever to God when I'm so caught up in myself?

Miraculously, the answer is yes.  I'm reading through the Old Testament currently.  I'm still in Genesis, people, and I'm here to tell you that it is chocked FULL of some seriously selfish, not to mention exceedingly shady, people who God flat used the heck out of!  Abraham...yes THAT Abraham...the father of Israel.  He passed his wife off as his sister.  Twice.  And the first time she was taken into a ruler's home.  As his lady friend.  And this was AFTER God had told him that he was going to be the father of a nation.  But he was still scared.  Scared enough to give his wife away.

The list goes on and on and on.  Why does God do it?  How does he see past our fears and insecurities and failures - far enough to use us for something great?

Jesus.  And grace.

I cannot be THAT girl without grace.  I cannot.  How will I become a grace dwellin' kinda girl?  How will you?

Keep on keepin' it down and dirty.  Love ya'll like crazy!

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