Mayhave Monday: Undone

Well, the trip was nice.  The weather was gorgeous.  The shopping was pleasant.  And lunch hit the spot.  Oh, and Miss M was a rock star.  Between my Mama, me, and The Hunk [he decided to go with us] - we were able to keep her from grabbing the china in the antique stores ;)  We let her have at the Miss Magnificent sized shopping cart...

And the beach hat that I really wanted to purchase...

It's probably better that I didn't because in the end I would've known that she looks way cuter in it than me.  Anyway...

I MAY or MAY NOT find myself struggling with my current circumstances...again.  Or still.  My Mama and Daddy are here visiting - and nothing quite allows you to lower the walls like a good Mama and Daddy.  They know you, ya' know?  So yesterday my Mama said, "Em, you're kinda melancholy, huh?"  And I said, "Yeah I guess I am."  And she said, "What's the deal with that?"

Truth is, I don't really have a clear answer.  That's part of the struggle.  Part of the reason for the melancholy.  This place where God has us.  It feels a little like that dress you bought because it looks awesome.  And because it was on sale.  And it mostly fit.  I mean, you could make it work.  But every time you put it on, you feel a little uneasy - a little unsure - a little undone.  The hardest part about being in this place, though, is not that it causes me to feel undone but that it doesn't seem to make The Hunk feel undone and that God isn't making Himself clear in whether or not this is the perfect dress for us right now.  Or whether or not there IS  a perfect dress.

I also don't know how to do this - to stay close to my family who lives so far from me.  To know about their lives.  To make an effort to be in their lives without being in their lives.  The only way I know how to survive it - the missing of the people who are so dear to me - is to compartmentalize.  When I am there, to be all there.  And when I am here, to be all here.  But that sucks because people wonder whether I still care about them or miss them or want to be in their lives.  Or maybe they don't but I feel like they do.  Trying to merge these two worlds I exist in is so painful.  I don't really know what to do about that.

I'm also frustrated with God.  And feeling a bit distanced from Him.  I have asked if He would please either take away these desires that threaten to tear apart my deceivingly weak heart or hurry up and grant them already.  He has done neither.  And I don't understand.  So I'm annoyed.  I'm trying not to be annoyed.  Or at least trying to pretend that I'm not.  But I am.  And He knows I am.

And that's it.  That's the absolute truth.  Unaltered.

Tomorrow will be lighter - literally.  Get excited.

Link up below, people!  You're slackin'.  But I still love ya'.

Keep on keepin it down and dirty!